He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
we have pet lesbian snakes
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Is it penis luge time yet?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
