i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
