I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
