I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
