We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It was like getting head from an anaconda
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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