I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
