and you said cock pushups were impossible
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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