just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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