ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
