I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
