Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
