Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
