It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
