I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
