Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dicks are not precious.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
