Sober January is a disaster.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
