yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
