Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
