You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
