Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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