my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
one might say we're banned from that church
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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