I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
