When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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