She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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