I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
