There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
