Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
