You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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