i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
