i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
