planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
