Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
