5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
