Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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