Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
