So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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