her vagine was all disorganized.
The best revenge is premature balding
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
