He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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