As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dignity is for republicans.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
