It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
