I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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