I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
