Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
