I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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