Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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