hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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