Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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