It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
