rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You're like the curious george of whores
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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