He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
