wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
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You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize