I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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