i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
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Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
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Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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