Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
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If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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