if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
