tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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