we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize