i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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