Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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