Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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