I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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