Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
