so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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