using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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