I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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