she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
