she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
