i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
