VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
