so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He? As in you personified your dick?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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