Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
