i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
