I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
