i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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