Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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