you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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