Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
