Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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