You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
