i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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