I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
