Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
