I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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