I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize