I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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