I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
