Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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