I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
