That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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