Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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