here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
