sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
