So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
