I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He felt like a one man threesome
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
