Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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